♣”10 Lessons From The Club”♣
“YOU CAN FIND A LESSON ANYWHERE…IF YOU’RE LOOKING” – Supreme Understanding (Author, Community Activity & Educator)
Here’s are 10 life lessons I learned in the club. Not that any of this stuff ever happened to me, of course.
1. Enjoy Yourself
♣ You’ve got $60 to your name. You’ve been working double-shifts all week. You need a break. So you go to the club What are you here for? Tell yourself that you’re here to take somebody home, and you’ve got a 1-in-100 chance o being successful. Tell yourself that you’re just here to have fun, and you’ve got a 1-in-3 chance of being successful. You decide. Once you step in, there are plenty of fine woman to choose from. But you’ve decided you’re just going to have fun. If they want to be a slut and come home with you, that’s just an added bonus. And guess what, when you come off like you’re just trying to enjoy yourself, and don’t care about hoes…that’s when the hoes seem to like you more.
“LIVE OUT YOUR INTENTIONS. WHAT YOU PUT OUT IS WHAT YOU GET BACK.”
2. Don’t Think She Won’t Go For It
♣ There she goes. Now she may be bad. she may be so fine that she’d make a gay man’s mouth water. And she may be dressed better than everyone in there. And she may be sitting or standing still like she has no plans on dancing…or talking to a knucklehead like you. But you won’t know for sure until you step to her.
“DON’T ASSUME: FIND OUT. BELIVING AND KNOWING AREN’T THE SAME THING”
3. Ask & See
♣ There’s actually plenty of superfine woman in here who haven’t met anybody the whole night because most ot the men were intimidated. The few that tried were too drunk or too stupid. Maybe you’re only a little drunk and a little stupid. and maybe she will give you a chance I’ve learned that some of the girls that look “STUCK UP” standing still are just waiting for someone to do the right thing. Just step up and tell her what you’d like to do. If she says no, cool. Nothing lost. If she says yes, you win.
“THE SQUEAKY WHEEL GETS THE OIL. EVERY JOURNEY BEGINS WITH TAKING ONE STEP.”
4. Make Sure Things Are Clear Before Proceeding
♣ You’ve chosen. And the girl you’re eyeing is dancing on this dude like she doin $20 lap dances. And she’s letting him slap her ass, palm her chest, and all sorts of other ungodly things. Now you want your turn. The next song comes on and you’re ready to squeeze in behind her. Next thing you know, ol’ girl is pushing you off, dude is looking at you crazy, and security is about to crush you. Turns out she’s his wife. And he’s the owner of the club. next time, ask first.
“LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.”
5. Handle Confrontation Appropriately
♣ So dude is upset. He’s not a little punk kind of guy either. He’s either been hitting the gym, or hittin some steroids, and that’s probably how he ended up hittin something as fine as ol’ girl. Now he’s about to hit you. You think fast. He’s loud and angry, so you neutralize him with the opposite. You give him dap, and apoloigize in his ear, and let him know you meant no disrespect. You tell him he’s a lucky man and move on.
“FIRE NEEDS ICE; ICE NEEDS FIRE. EVERY SITUATION HAS A SMART WAY TO HANDLE IT”
6. Pick Your Battles
♣ But as you move on, the security dude keeps grillin you. What’s his problem? You’re not a chump, so maybe he got the wrong ideawhen you didn’t knuckle up with the last guy. So you step to him and ask him what the problem is. He tells you that his mother just died, and he’s only working to pay for the funeal…and he’s not in teh mood to talk. He says if you have a problem with how he’s looking, the two of you can definitely “handle that”. So, he’s pretty unstable, you figure. He’s going to snap at any minute. And you don’t want to be around when he does.
“FORSEE THE CONSEQUENCES. SOMETIMES YOUR NEXT STEP ISN’T THE BEST STEP.”
7. Anything Can Happen At Any Time
♣ So you walked away from another one unscathed. You’re feeling pretty cool now. You’ve had a few drinks and feel relaxed. All of a sudden, six people fall on top of you. As you hit the ground hard, some girl steps in your eye trying to run away. That crazy bouncer from a minute ago throws somebody else on top of you. The gun you snuck in the club goes off in your pants. No you have no penis.
You should have been more alert, and watching out for that fight that just broke out. If you had been pying attention, you would have been able to get out of the way in time. But it’s too late to worry about that because now you have no penis.
“PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS. SLEEP IS THE COUSIN OF DEATH.”
8. Know When To Stop
♣ Let’s say you avoided getting crushed, trampled, and having your penis shot off. You’re feeling good, but a few more drinks will have you feeling even better, right? But you’re taking straight shots, and passing bottles around with your homeboys, Pretty soon, every girl on two legs looks like a supermodel, and even the girl with only on leg seems like she could be fun. But you can’t approch them, because everytime you try, you trip over somebody and damn near fall. Your sweating like fat people in the summer, and your breath smells like throw-up and berries. somebody passes you one more cup, and you take it. One sip later, everything in your stomach is now on the floor…and on your clothes. Try being smooth now.
“KNOW YOUR LIMITS. TOO MUCH IF ANYTHING IS NOT A GOOD THING.”
9. Fools Die Over Pride
♣ So you’re trying to stumble you drunk ass to the bathroom to wipe down enough to go home. But you trip over a girl doing a split and crash into the club owner again. Seems you tripped over his girl, made him spill his drink on himself, and accidentally stabbed him wiht our stainless steel madallion. He’s obviosly upset. But you’re mad too, because he was in the your way. And, in your mind, he’s the reason for all your problems tonight (not you). So you let him know that you’re about to beat his ass. He asks you to come outside with him. You’re ready to fight. No scratch that, you’re ready to do him with that 380 in your pants. As soon as you get outside and reach for it, he kicks you in the forehead, takes your own gun from you, and shoots you with it at point blank range. Turns out his day job is as a police officer. Now you’re dead, and he still gets the girl.
DON’T EVER LOSE YOUR COMPOSURE. UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS LEAD TO BIG PROBLEMS.”
10. She’s Not That Cute
♣ Let’s just say you never threw up on yourself. Let’s say you got that superfine girl you would have been too scared to talk to. Not only did you get her number, you got her to come to breakfast with you. You’re felling like a king, aren’t you? You’re ready to make some magic happen as soon as you leave the Waffle House. That is, until you get into the bright lights of the parking lot and realize that ol’ girl is really a man. (HELL NAW!)
“DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE OR HEAR. ANYTHING THAT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE…USUALLY IS JUST THAT.”